Our Nursing Story

Nursing has been difficult for us from the start...I have written about that in previous posts. We finally landed in a happy place of me pumping milk and you receiving it in bottles. You are champion bottle drinker and it has been so fun to have other people be able to feed you while also knowing that you were getting the best nutrition possible by drinking my milk! I have been dedicated to ensuring that you get as much milk as possible. I have taken herbal supplements, drank teas, added flax and brewers yeast to my foods, made lactation cookies, etc....anything to strengthen my supply and lengthen the amount of time I would be able to feed you Mama's milk.

But, as six weeks post-postpartum approaches and my body is returning to it's pre-pregnant state, it seems like my hormone "issues" are at it again; just as my hormones in their natural state would have been unable to conceive you, it seems like, in their natural state, they will no longer sustain making your food either. For about the past week, my supply has been increasingly dropping.

Yesterday, the combination of all of my pumping sessions yielded about four ounces....one bottle for you. Your Daddy and I talked about it and it seems like it's time to move you off of breast milk and on to formula full time. The hours of time spent not holding, cuddling, and playing with you are not worth the small amount of milk that I can produce. Our main goal was to give you milk for the first two weeks - that most critical colostrum nutrition. Then we made it a whole month - I was really hoping to make it all the way to six weeks. We made it to five weeks plus one more feeding...

This morning at 7:45 you were hungry. We went to your room, cuddled up, rocked in your rocking chair, and you drank your last bottle of Mama's milk. You guzzled it down, every drop (you usually leave a little bit in the bottle), all while drifting off into a contented sleep. As I pulled the bottle from your mouth, you smiled a huge smile - as if to say "thank you." I kissed you, placed you in your swing, and walked out.

And I cried - not because I could have done anything differently or tried any harder to provide for you, but because I was disappointed with my body - that I could not continue to give you this gift anymore. I know that even with formula, our feeding times will continue to be sweet times of cuddling together (usually). I know that I gave you everything that I possibly could. I know that God will bless our effort. I know that you will continue to grow strong, smart, and amazing even without my milk for your entire first year.

I am learning that parenting is a continual giving of everything you have and more. I may be completely out of milk for you, little one....but I have plenty of pouring into your life yet to do! Let's play! Let's read! Let's continue living with and loving each other day after day after day!